Adulting and Anxiety: My Attempts at Mindfulness...
As you probably know, there is a movement that encourages people to be more mindful in life.
I would see the books and articles and podcasts and breezily think, “how nice” as I continued with my fast pace. I didn’t want to slow down. I liked moving and getting things done and accomplishing things. It felt so satisfying.
Until I realized I was feeding my anxiety because I was doing too much at the same time. I was having a hard time relaxing and calming the rush of thoughts swarming in my mind. So, I took a closer look at what it means to be mindful. Please know I’m not an expert on the topic – far from it. But what I have learned is the importance of single tasking and focusing wholly on the task.
It has been incredibly hard. At first, I hated it. And I still struggle.
I’d wash grapes. I’d focus on how plump they feel in my fingers, and the fresh smell they produced, and the chilly water on my hands, and the soft thumping sound the fruit made as they moved around the bowl.
And then I’d want to go insane.
Seriously. Why just wash grapes when I can wash grapes while listening to a podcast AND the timer for the muffins baking in the oven? Oh, and text a conversation on my phone with my friend Caity.
But I didn’t give up. And while I still do this mindful thing (in my opinion) imperfectly, the point is I’m doing it. And I’m starting to reap the benefits. The pace of my thoughts have become a more manageable beat. And I’m starting to believe that time isn’t always rushing.
I’m not by any means slowing down time, but I’m slowing down my perception of it. And it’s done so much for calming my mind, taking a deep breath, and keeping any anxiety I feel at a more manageable level.