Do People Like the Gifts You Give?
I come from a tribe of people who love crispy bacon. (I think we just love breakfast food in general, like Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation.) Anyway, My Mom would always serve her Dad the crunchy slices at breakfast when she was little, as a sort of way to show him love…until years later when he mentioned to her how much he disliked bacon crispy!
Oh the horror! My Mom laughed about it when she told me this. She thought about how she could have been eating those bacon pieces herself and enjoying them all those years.
Lesson learned: ask people what they like.
I know I don’t always do this. I’ve bought gifts and given in ways that reflected my own personal taste. Have you ever played a song for a friend, a beautiful song that completely captivates you, and they just don’t get it? The whole moment falls awkwardly flat. They may listen politely and smile weakly and say, “That was nice.” BUT you KNOW they just didn’t receive from the song what you received?
As I navigate adulthood, I should know better than assume because I need/want something, other people will too. I’ve found others are pretty honest about what they want, especially when asked. Then I get two wonderful results:
The person sees that I am interested in them by my asking. (They can feel some love!)
The person gets a more memorable gift. And that’s incredibly satisfying for both parties.
Like my Mom, it took me some time to realize I can’t force people to like what I like; and that’s hard when I really wish to share it with someone I love. But I’ve found that it’s equally fulfilling to do something for someone that you know they want and need. I’ve just had to change my mindset.
I read this quote by Lantham Thomas on Instagram: “Release your attachment to wanting things for people that they don’t want for themselves.” By doing so, you can them fill their hearts with their own personal “song moment" and their own “crispy bacon.”